a place to vent/ a place that vents

a passing train that lifts girls' dresses

in care ma caut

sau despre cum corpul da rateuri, inima ii canta isonul si mintea le tine de urat

m-a lovit asa, o depresie, o stare de nemultumire cu mine insami care era deja acolo, latenta, exacerbata acum probabil de caldura si de izolare. sunt acasa, in concediu medical (astept nou infiintata politie a concediilor sa imi tina de urat :) ), dupa un lesin o criza sincopa, o cazatura violenta (arat ca mireasa lui frankenstein, hence the self imposed confinement) si un maraton de doua zile prin spitale, din care m-am ales cu o punguta de analize, un singur diagnostic concludent: litiaza renala si o groaza de 'if'uri. macar i've been cleared off for epilepsy, almost, my eeg looks pretty good this time, am dat si peste o neuroloaga super ok care crede ca reinceperea tratamentului cu antiepileptice e o decizie care ii apartine in primul rand pacientului :) acum ne concentram pe inima, maruntaie (mai mult eu, doctorii nu vor sa urmarim pista asta, but because i'm slowly going crazy, i have gut feelings -pun intended- turning into obsessions) si ze 'lady parts' (ne hranim cu hormoni, yay, yay, yay!); data fiind latura detectivista a situatiei ma simt ca intr-un episod din house care nu se mai termina. m-o fi lovit (iar!) si ipohondria un pic, nu neg asta, dar cand iei un pumn de pastile si nimeni nu stie sa iti explice exact de ce te sufoci, ai dureri abdominale feroce si faci crize neconvulsive epileptiforme :> all of a sudden, you're entitled to a little despair... says i :P

si cum spuneam - m-a lovit asa, un soi de depresie. o indispozitie. o stare de nemultumire. si cum nu vad nici o solutie, as vrea sa ies din capul meu in continuare, oricat de nesanatos (haha) ar fi, cat timp nu putem schimba nimic, nu par sa ajute la ceva gandurile si dezamagirile astea :)

on the bright side, m-am tuns (nu stiu cat de bright e ca acum mi se vad mai bine ranile de razboinic de pe fatza :P), dupa o perioada de stres maxim in legatura cu mutatul, am reusit sa raman in acelasi apartament (vvvvvv long story; btw, caut coleg/a de apartament, anyone interested?), si am (inca) langa mine cea mai rabdatoare si simpatica jumatatica ever ;))

meanwhile, o sa ma mai plictisesc pe acasa pana joi si nu stiu ce sa fac sa imi treaca mai repede timpul... sunt prea obosita sa socializez, inceeerc :P sa tin regim si asta ma face (si mai) irascibila, nu am chef sa citesc (desi ma asteapta doua neil gaiman-uri si the cloud atlas)... any ideas?

monday monday monday

and bonus:

aaall by myselffff

getting fat and musical.

cooked food (pasta is cooked food), cheap cooking wine, ice cream and glee.
and no hot water X(

the other half (sa zambesti, te rog)

'nu plangea'&'nu fugea'; inghetata pt cand mi s-au inecat corabiile; cercei cu buburuze verzi si inel din scoarta de copac; telefonul de dimineata; bratzica party/emergency!!!/moment; capricii vs rabdare (chapeau); mofturi, alinturi&rasfatare; ummm... PORECLE ;) ; i like you so much better when you're naked; mancaaaare :)); programe in 12 pasi; filme la care adormeai; superactivitati: mersul la piata; gatitul impreuna ('de ce ai un ochi vanat?' 'am curatat cartofi aseara cu prietena mea'), ; ce m-ai de fapt ce ai fi vrut tu sa ma inv invatat: cum arata un mini, strazile din bucuresti, cat e de aproape popestiul ;)), ca nu mancam ficat in oras, ca ai intotdeauna dreptate :-j si cafeaua la cutie e f buna :P:P:P

si ma mai gandesc :D

half the story

we may get along perfectly, our life styles don't. what you feel means crap, if you're not socially coordinated ;;) that's what relationships are about after all, not ...love. bleargh. childish.

1 2 3 i want to count too

for the second time i feel like having a cancer, a time bomb, a deadline instead of a relationship.

pluck pluck pluck i'm gathering roses with you trying not to mind the ticking

you know that feeling when someone has hurt you and you ache for them (of all people) to hold you and hug you, like asking your killer for comfort

i desperately wanted to silence away the street noises outside my window, the cell phones that insisted on calling, succumbed my body to numbness and kept myself from moving, protecting you from waking, protecting myself from your waking (i could feel you sinking into sleep, and i cheated - i knew you'd have to go home once you woke up, a very early morning awaited you, you had to prepare and change your clothes oh if i could just invent a place such as SLEEP or SLEEP AFTER FIGHTING (as long as we lie in the darkness it's still on, we're not over), where suspension of time feels protecting, there's no need for decisions or racking our brains for solutions to make it work in the aftermath of tears shedding just before we start to discuss about snot - which brings laughter and shifts everything back into ordinariness - the intimacy of having it buried ourselves - with words - and lovemaking.

the skin i now touch smell kiss i will touch smell kiss no more from tomorrow/ you weren't the one/ you weren't the one either (how many more can a heart take)/ you are the one now/ still/ and then a year from now/ or two/ maybe seven/ it will all feel so hard to believe and remote - was the skin i touched smelled kissed - this ?

another pretty stranger passing me on the street
my heart gives a nod
the body moves on
the head keeps forgetting